I'm having contractions and had diarrhea last night, will I have my baby soon?  ~ Princess


Dear Princess,

It depends on what kind of baby you are talking about.  I have laid a few that could be considered big enough to be babies.  I am not sure but I think you may have confused two separate orifices. 

My advice would be to call your local Planned Parenthood  and ask them if they have any emergency parenting classes.  If they do, sign up immediately and ask these questions:

  • Where do babies come from? (How are they made and where do they exit the body from)
  • Am I pregnant, and when they say yes...
  • How did that happen?
These are a few of the basic questions you should ask.  If you still are having a hard time distinguishing the difference between diarrhea and your baby (if you are pregnant), then do the following:

While sitting on the toilet, stick your hand where the fluids are coming from and then look at your hand.  If it's brown, yellow, green or some other earthy color then it's diarrhea,  if whatever is coming out gives you a high five then it's a baby and you should get to the hospital.